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                                          THE YUPPIE JOGGING
                                          CEREMONY: Notes From a
                                          Native Anthropologist. by
                                          Beverly Slapin.
             When we began our dig, we were not prepared for the
             enormous amount of material we found about this ancient
             civilization of previously unknown people, who were
             called "yuppies." No one knows what this name means or
             its origins.
                One of the more bizarre ceremonies we learned about
             came as a result of several pairs of shoes with the
             legend, "NIKE," assumed to be one of their gods.
                "NIKE" was found emblazened on many items of their
             clothing, but most notably shoes. From these artifacts
             we learned of the early morning "jogging ceremony,"
             thought to be the only ritual in which they attempted
             to demonstrate their oneness with nature.
                The ceremony was said to have begun with a "shower.,"
             in which the people simulated a short rainstorm, during
             which they took off all of their clothing symbolizing
             the innocence and vulnerability of birth, and allowed
             the water to wet their bodies. During this part of the
             ceremony the people often chanted to the spirits, an
             entreaty for magic powers. At the same time they
             rubbed their bodies with a sacred object which they
             called "So-ap." Perhaps named after another of their
             deities. It seemed to be a method of cleansing.
                After the cleansing ritual they would run and
             every so often they would stop and time their heartbeats,
             a way of asking creator to continue allowing them to live
             another day.
                Many did the cleansing ceremony again after jogging
             and then congregated in small groups where they feasted
             on sacred foods called "creosants," and "cappijeno," as
             a thanks offering to the spirits.

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 [ref]=[http://flag.blackened.net/ati/zine/ati128.txt]                               

ps: shouldn't there be a wooden white guy in
front of every drugstore nowadays to make up
for all the years there was a wooden NDN???

Want my honest opinion?
I think it's only fair...