Why I gave up on anarchy

[SolidarityForever]

This is a criticism,though I may not be the most educated man on the topic, so feel free to enlighten me. Be it scatterbrained, I needed to let out my thoughts on the topic.

It's been hard for me to believe in anarchist movements and movements with similar goals for the past four years or so. I had been introduced to the idea of practical anarchy (as opposed to the chaotic ideals of ignorant punk-rockers) while I lived in Santa-Barbara, CA back in 2007. Through the writings in zines and the action of my peers, I was able to see a glimpse of all the un-categorized ideals I had held from childhood coming to fruition. There was a whole lot of action and positive idealism going on in the area and I was able to live and breathe that, for once I truly felt a part of something good.
Not much later, I had to move back to my homeland shifting somewhere between MA and RI for the since then. Here lies my problem; for the first year back I had not been able to find any organizations or groups of people to get involved with. I had tried contacting Food not Bombs groups around the areas at first, as this was how I was introduced to the culture in CA, but with no avail. I tried finding other groups to contact as well but none would respond. I could never tell if this was because I was not persistent enough in my goal or if the groups had a xenophobic or cliquey nature. In general, this lack of response caused me to feel too inadequate to be involved in any group (also contributing was my peers lazy, t.v. worshiping nature)
So this and the constant pressure of "growing up" and becoming a "productive" member of society caused me to give up. I would occasionally surf local anarchist forums or check out alternative news sites, but I couldn't get rid of the apathy I had adopted or find people willing to hear out my views to take some action, even if on a small scale. I still have not figured out whether these ideals are scarce in New England or if this was a fault of my own. I've had people tell me that I "just have to move somewhere where people do that stuff," but if it is the case that nobody wants to take action and organize in these areas, isn't it exactly this area that needs to adapt these ideals? To move to a place where it is flourishing would defeat the entire purpose of it.I believe for the actions taken to be noticed there doesn't just need to be numbers, but exposure in all areas of the nation.
I do not exempt myself of fault, I have let myself become lazy and would like to redeem myself. Whether this means taking more action on my own or organizing a group of my own, I believe that I can make up for my lack of faith.I feel that alot people are in a similar situation to me, unable to find like minds or too scared to try to speak to their peers about their ideals. Whether its the fear or the exclusivity of groups that causes people not to connect, that very lack of connection could be the thing that causes us to become tolerant of the powers that exploit us.