Activist Scenes are No Safe Space for Women

[Yuda]

Hi this article is from infoshop.org: http://www.infoshop.org/inews/article.p ... 5095954836

It's prompted quite a bit of response yet, I haven't gone through all of them yet but there looks like some interesting debate.

YudA

Activist Scenes are No Safe Space for Women: On Abuse of Activist Women by Activist Men

Saturday, February 05 2005 @ 09:59 AM PST
Contributed by: Anonymous

As a woman who has experienced physical and emotional abuse from men, some of whom I had long relationships with, it is always difficult to learn from other activist women that they are being abused by activist men.

Activist Scenes are No Safe Space for Women: On Abuse of Activist Women by Activist Men

By Tamara K. Nopper

February 4, 2005

tnopper@yahoo.com

Copyright © 2005 Tamara K. Nopper

As a woman who has experienced physical and emotional abuse from men, some of whom I had long relationships with, it is always difficult to learn from other activist women that they are being abused by activist men.

The interrelated issues of sexism, misogyny and homophobia in activist circles is rampant, so it is unsurprising that women are abused physically and emotionally by activist men with whom they work with on various projects.

I am not speaking abstractedly here. Indeed, I know of various relationships between activist men and women in which the latter is being abused if not physically, emotionally. For example, a long time ago a friend of mine showed me bruises on her arm that she told me were from another male activist. This woman certainly struggles emotionally, which is somewhat expected given that she has experienced physical abuse. What was additionally heartbreaking to see is how the woman was shunned by activist circles when she tried to talk about her abuse or have it addressed. Some told her to get over it, or to focus on “real” male assholes such as prominent political figures. Others told her to not let her “personal problems” get in the way of “doing the work.”

I struggled with my friend’s recovery too. As a survivor of abuse, it was difficult to meet a woman who in some ways was a ghost of me. I would run into this woman, and she would randomly tell me about another fight that she and her boyfriend had gotten into. I would find myself avoiding this woman because frankly, it was hard to look at a woman who reminded me too much of who I was not too long ago: a scared, embarrassed and desperate person who would babble to anyone willing to listen about what was happening to her. In other words, I, like this woman, had gone through the desperation of trying to get out of an abusive relationship and needing to finally tell people what was happening to me. And similar to how this woman was treated, most people, even those I called friends, shied away from listening to me because they did not want to be bothered or were struggling with their own emotional struggles.

The embarrassment associated with telling people that you have been abused, and like myself, stayed in an abusive relationship, is made even worse by the responses you get from people. Rather than be sympathetic, many people were disappointed in me. Many times I was told by people that they were “surprised” to find out that I had “put up with that shit” because unlike “weak women,” I was a “strong” and “political” woman. This response is downright misogynist because it denies how dominant patriarchy and hatred of women and the “feminine” is, and instead tries to place the blame on women. That is, we are to ignore that women are being abused by men and instead emphasize the character of women as the definitive reason for why some are abused and others don’t “put up with that shit.”

I can’t help but think that other activist women who have been abused, whether by activist men or not, also face similar difficulties recovering from abuse. Regardless of one’s politics, women can be and do get abused. Anyone who refuses to believe this either just doesn’t listen to women or think about what women go through on the regular. And this is because they are just hostile to recognizing how pervasive and normalized patriarchy and misogyny are—both outside of and within activist circles.

More, a lot of us want to believe that activist men really are different from our fathers, brothers, old boyfriends, and male strangers we confront in our daily routines. We want to have some faith that the guy who writes a position paper on sexism and posts it on his website is not writing it just to make himself look good, get pussy, or cover up some of his dangerous practices towards women. We want to believe that women are being respected for their skills, energy and political commitment and are not being asked to do work because they are viewed as “exploitable” and “abuse-able” by activist men. We want to believe that if an activist male made an unwarranted advance or physically/sexually assaulted an activist woman that it would promptly and thoughtfully be dealt with by organizations and political communities—and with the input of the victim. We want to think that activist groups are not so easily enticed by the skills or “name-power” that an activist male brings to a project that they are willing to let a woman be abused or have her recovery go unaddressed in exchange. And we would like to think that “security culture” in activist circles does not only focus on issues of listserv protocol or using fake names at rallies but actually includes thinking proactively about how to deal with misogyny, patriarchy and heterosexism both outside of and within the activist scenes.

But all of these wishes, all of these dreams obviously tend to go unaddressed. Instead, I know of activist men who troll political spaces like predators looking for women that they can politically manipulate or fuck without accountability. Like abusive priests, some of these men literally move from city to city looking to recreate themselves and find fresh meat among those who are unfamiliar with their reputation. And I have seen activist women give their labor and skills to activist men (who often take the credit) in hopes that the abusive activist man will finally get his act right or appreciate her as a human being.

While romance between activists is fine, I think it is disgusting how activist men use romance to control women politically and keep women emotionally committed to helping the man out politically, even when his politics are corny or problematic. Or, in some cases, activist men get involved in politics to find women they can involve in abusive relationships and control. And given that abuse brings out the worst in the victim, I have seen where women interact with other activists (particularly women) in ways they might not normally if they were not being politically and emotionally manipulated by men. For example, I know of abused activist females who have spread rumors about other activist women or have gotten involved in political battles between her boyfriend and other activists.

What’s scary is that I know activist men who were abusing and manipulating female activist and at the same time, writing position papers on sexism and competition between women. Sometimes the activist male will pen the position paper with his activist girlfriend in order to gain more legitimacy. I know of activist men who quote bell hooks, Gloria Anzaldua, or other feminist writers one minute and are harassing or spreading lies and gossip about their activist girlfriend the next. And activist men will school activist women on how to be less competitive with other women to conceal their abusive and manipulative behavior.

What is more heartbreaking is the level of support abusive activist men find from other activists, male and female but most usually other men. Not only do activist women have to confront and negotiate their abuser in activist circles, they must usually do so in a political community that talks a good game but in the end could give a shit about the victims’ emotional and physical safety. On many occasions I have listened to women’s stories of abuse be retold and recast by activist men in a hostile and sexist manner. And when they recast this story, they often do in that voice, the voice that is snide, accusatory and mocking.

For example, when I was sharing with an activist male my concerns about how an activist female was being treated by an activist male who held a prominent position in a political group, the man “listening” to my story said in that voice, “Oh, she’s probably just mad ‘cause he started dating someone else” and went on to make fun of her. He continued to tell me that while he “acknowledges” the man is wrong, the woman needs to stand up to the man if she wants the treatment to stop. Unfortunately this man’s brand of misogyny disguised as male feminism is all too common in activist circles given that a lot of men in general believe that women are abused because they are weak or secretly want to be in relationships with abusive men. More, his comments revealed an attitude that assumes that if activist women take issue with activist men, they are “crying abuse” to cover up hidden sexual desires and anger over being rejected by men who “won’t fuck them.”

I find it disgusting that women’s physical and emotional safety is of little concern to activist men in general. While activist men will pay some lip service to how they need to keep their mouths shut when women are talking or how women only spaces are necessary, all too often “critical” and “political” people do not want to confront the fact that women are being abused by male activists in our circles. When the issue is “addressed,” more often than not attention will be given to “struggling with” the man (i.e., letting him stay and maybe just gossiping about him). I have even seen some situations where abusive men become adopted, so to speak, by other activists, who see rehabilitating the man as part of their project and think little about what this means for the women who are trying to recover. In some cases, the male activist abuser was adopted while the woman was shunned as “unstable,” “crazy” or “too emotional.” Basically, these groups would rather help a cold, calculating guy who can “keep it together” while he abuses women rather than deal with the reality that abuse can contribute to emotional and social difficulties among victims as they work to become survivors.

And in some cases, activist women will avoid going to the police because she is critical of the prison industrial complex but also because other activist men will tell her she is “contributing to the problem” by “bringing the state in.” But in most cases, the activist male is not chastised for the problems he has created. Thus, women are stuck having to figure out how to insure her safety without being labeled a “sell-out” by her activist peers.

While I am a strong believer that we need to try to work towards healing rather than punishment per se, I am painfully aware that we often put more emphasis on helping men stay in activist circles than supporting women through their recoveries, which might involve the need to have the man purged from the political group. Basically, the group will usually determine that the activist abuser must be allowed to heal without asking the woman what she needs from the group to heal and be supported in her process. I know of many examples of where women are forced to put up with the groups’ unwillingness to address abuse. Some will remain involved in organizations because they believe in the work and frankly, there are few spaces to go, if any, where she is not at risk of being abused by another activist or have her abuse unaddressed. Others will simply leave the organization. I have seen how these women get treated by other activists—men and women—who treat women coldly or gossip that they are selfish or sell-outs for letting the personal get in way of “the work.”

Or, if activist women who have been abused are “supported,” it is usually because she does “good work” or that not addressing the abuse will be “bad for the group.” In this sense, the physical, emotional and spiritual health of women is still sacrificed. Instead, the woman’s abuse must be addressed because if it is not, she might not continue doing “good work” for the organization or there might be too much tension in the group for it to run efficiently. Either way, women’s safety is not viewed as worthy of concern in and of itself.

Overall, activist scenes are no safe space for women because misogynists and abusive men exist within them. More, many of these abusers use the language, tools of activism and support by other activists as means to abuse women and conceal their behavior. And unfortunately, in a lot of political circles, regardless of how much we talk about patriarchy or misogyny, women are sacrificed in order to keep up “the work” or save the organization. Perhaps it is time we actually just care that activist women are vulnerable to being manipulated and abused by activist males and consider that proactively addressing this is an integral part of the “work” that activists must do.

Tamara K. Nopper is a writer, educator and activist living in Philadelphia.

[huntergatherer]

Is emotional abuse between men and women sexist?

[Yuda]

Is emotional abuse between men and women sexist?

Is emotional ebuse between a white person and a person of colour abuse? - I would think so....

[K=x'uksami]

Indeed, there is an important lesson in this. Declaring yourself an anarchist doesn't automatically make you no longer sexist.

[Yuda]

Indeed, there is an important lesson in this. Declaring yourself an anarchist doesn't automatically make you no longer sexist.

or racist, or homophobic, or just an asshole.

[K=x'uksami]

or racist, or homophobic, or just an asshole.

Very true. "But I can't be bigoted, I'm an anarchist" is not a good answer.

[huntergatherer]

Is emotional abuse between men and women sexist?

Is emotional ebuse between a white person and a person of colour abuse? - I would think so....

I didn't ask if it were abuse, I asked if it were sexist. More speficially, is it sexist in all cases.

[Yuda]

I didn't ask if it were abuse, I asked if it were sexist. More speficially, is it sexist in all cases.

Sorry, I believe it would be a male abusing a female is sexist in every case as the male is using a position of dominance to abuse/oppress the female.

[huntergatherer]

Sorry, I believe it would be a male abusing a female is sexist in every case as the male is using a position of dominance to abuse/ oppress the female.

But is emotionally abuse fundamentally tied to that position of dominance? People outside of the dominant position are perfectly capable of the same emotional abuse.

[Post_industrial]

Hmmmmm.


I realy think that humans in relationships sometimes fight. Fighting and argueing is a normal part of a relationship, and even poly couples as well and monogomous couples both sometimes feel jealously on both ends, and either sex is likely to sometimes be verbaly abusive.

Physical abuse is another story. While I do know some women martial artists who could kill you with their bare hands, men tend to be stronger, and I think that a male physicaly abusing a women is always an issue of dominance, control and sexism.

In the case of rape, I am in favor of castration or worse.....of course I also think that there should be some kind of safe guard to prevent flase accusations from being used as a tool of revenge against a cheating boyfreind.

But if two individuals are fighting, saying mean things to each other and someone gets tears in their eyes, I dont think thats sexisim or emotion abuse. Thats a normal part of any healthy relationship to sometimes fight, and later make up. I do think there is such a thing as verbal and emotional abuse, but I think its unfair to call every argument abuse just becuase people are saying mean things to each other.....even the most healthy relationships have their ups and downs.

[Guest]

I'm posting this anonymously because i've had enough backlash to last me the rest of my life.

Almost a decade ago, I was raped by my husband. It took me a few months to be able to frame the experience as rape, for two reasons. One was that I felt like, as a "strong woman," I couldn't possibly be a rape victim. The other reason was that coming to terms with what had happened meant having to end the relationship. It was a horrible, abusive relationship, but it was nonetheless difficult to end.

I wasn't ready to be "out" about what had happened. In my earlier teen years I had been with another partner who had also raped me. I had come out about that and the reaction was terrible. I shut up about it very quickly. Anticipating the same sort of response, I didn't say anything about why I had split up with my partner, except privately to a couple of friends.

One of these "friends" "accidentally" outed me. In a very public way.

One of the most hurtful responses I received was from people who had been friends with both of us, venomously attacking me for "making them choose." I didn't have the grace to remain silent about what had happened, and this forced them to uncomfortable choices. And they resented me for it terribly. It also threatened their own identities as feminists and feminist "allies." Because how could they be friends with a rapist, right? A lot of them took an emotionally "safe" path. They decided that I was mentally disturbed due to past events of sexual abuse and therefore I couldn't be trusted. It allowed them to remain friends with the rapist, but not feel like they were turning their back on a victim. And, almost a decade later, I still cry over it.

I see the same thing happening over and over in anarchist/activist spaces. Look at the Rich Mackin thing. I've seen people who have spoken up about him silenced over and over. I do not, ultimately, feel safe in activist spaces. Because... what if it happens again? What if another fucking manarchist rapes me? I can't go through this again. I just can't.

I don't even feel so safe here. Because I know my attacker reads this board. And every time this issue comes up, he says all the shit they must tell him to say in How to be a Boy Feminist 101, and all his friends pat him on the back for being so strong.

[Post_industrial]

I would say the actions of your ex-husband are totaly unacceptable, even if he was your husband and lover. He should at least have gotten his ass kicked for it.

I have sometimes encountered women who have dificulty speaking out about being vitcimized. I would always encourage women to speak out, and for others to support them, as it is not only about the individual vitcim but about the safety of others who might need to know that someone is a sexual predetor.

When Im not in the city going to punk shows and industrial clubs, I sometimes go to these hippie festivals like Rainbow Gathering. There is a serial rapist namned James in the Rain, whose real name I would be happy to disclose to any concerned individuals who happen to live in Berkely or the greater bay area. This person has repeatedly raped woman after woman for the past 20 years, and while there are people who want to "deal" with this person (Or worse) the laregely pacifist community wont allow it, or even ask him to leave untill someone comes forth and talks about it in front of the group for "Shantisina" or "Peace Making" (For those who dont know, its an outdoor festival of 20 to 60 thousand people living in tents that lasts between a week and a month, including seed camp, and clean up.)

I was asked by some of the women to escort this asshole out of the gathering, though they refused to speak in front of the Shantasina about why I was doing this. Befor long after I had taken down this persons tent, and packed his bags for him and made it very very clear he wasnt going to boss me around or intimidate me, I was the one who was being brought up in Shantasina for my so called violent actions.

Luckily for me, someone finaly came forward and told her story, though her story was the least serious of the 4 who were present at this paticular gathering. He ended up trying to leave, and when someone confronted him he pulled a knife out and tried to stab the person, after which point I was off the hook, but we still had to warn the other women and finaly catch him to throw him out of the gathering. I wanted to do more, but I didnt have the support of the community for doing anything like that, so I settled for throwing him out.


Anyway, I think its extreamly important to come out and speak your truth. Especialy if you think others might be in danger.

[huntergatherer]

There is a serial rapist namned James in the Rain, whose real name I would be happy to disclose to any concerned individuals who happen to live in Berkely or the greater bay area.

Why don't you just say it now? Serial rapists don't deserve privacy.

[Guest]

Anyway, I think its extreamly important to come out and speak your truth. Especialy if you think others might be in danger.

I'm not responsible for any other actions he commits. I'm not responsible for warning anyone. He's responsible for his actions. That said, after I was "outed," I did come out and talk about it. I warned some of his later partners. None of them believed me. None of them will ever believe you when you tell them something like this. And he did go on to rape again, in fact he did it to someone I warned. And when this person came out with what had happened to them, the immediate reaction people had was that I had put them up to it. People also said that BECAUSE WE DID NOT GO TO THE POLICE AND FILE CHARGES THAT OUR ACCUSATIONS WERE INVALID.

We have a real problem with how sexual violence is handled in activist/anarchist/punk rock communities, especialy when it's a "cool kid" who is the accused. People hate the accusers for coming forward and making them feel guilty for liking that "cool kid." Or that "cool band." Whatever. Over and over and over again.

[Post_industrial]

I dont blame you at all Guest.....Its not your fault at all.

We should instead be working on changing the way activist scenes deal with these situations so that women (or Men for that matter) can feel safe about speaking out, and admitting what happened without feeling ashamed or afraid of what might happen. I would say that more blame should go to the community then to the vitcims.

The serial Rapists name is James Mattock. He lives in Berkely, or at least did a year ago on his liscense. Im going to go look around and see If I still have the rest of his information. He is an old guy, maybe 50s or so, white hair, balding, skinny, always talks about how the government is after him....Sometimes when people are ready to kick his ass he starts accusing them of being government agents....Id like to find that guy alone in the woods or a dark ally someday. He has over 40 victims if I understand right.

I felt like throwing him off the second story roof where I confronted him, but the hippies wouldnt let me. I was hoping I could get him to throw a punch so that I could say I was only defending myself.


I dont mean to point the finger, and it realy isnt anyones fault but the agressor, though our communites would be alot safer if we were more supportive of women who speak out.

I think there is a tendency to downplay claims of rape between people in relationships, though I would imagine it could be just as tramatic, and perhaps even more emotionaly painfull since its someone you care about.