|
madness
by Kevin Tucker
“Original trauma is the disorientation we experience, however consciously or uncons-ciously, because we do not live in the natural world. It is the psychic displacement, the exile, that is inherent in civilized life. It is our homelessness.”
-Chellis Glendinning
The child is carried,
in the womb,
from conception
to birth:
a part of the
mother,
the collection of
sperm and egg.
(man and woman)
The bind is sacred,
the child is a
part of their
being,
hearing, feeling,
sensing…
what the mother
experiences, is.
Through the walls
of uterus,
through fluid,
blood, cradling,
the child has already
sensed the world,
experienced
through mother,
through her relations,
feelings, senses…
The mother is
hurt, distraught, lost, isolated,
confused, angry, happy, joyed,
she carries a chance,
the seed.
the hopes dreams and possibilities
the seed that will
inherit
the earth, body, soul,
the sacred.
But the fetus is
unaware of this
now,
dealing solely with
contention, warmth, and a
closeness that will never
again be matched, felt,
lived.
The child does
not yet know
what awaits for them,
outside mother.
***
silence.
calm breeze, moving leaves, foot in soil, air bubbles in water, water slams off rock, over logs, drops off
Without this,
technological- industrial civilization,
we hear.
we hear
birds sing, squirrels gossip, worms move through soil, chipmunks play, the hawk seeks out prey, the deer eats lichen, the spider weaves another web, catching the fly that buzzes past
this was here
This world, this peace
is drowning,
caught only
in glimpse, thought,
by chance,
overlooked.
***
The most sacred
and first moment
of the childs’
life: chance,
has come and
gone.
The child leaves
the safety of
uterus:
warm, welcoming..
For the first time
child sees mother
the connection comes
full circle,
it has only just begun.
S/he makes contact,
touch, feel, sense,
the world is this place.
Overwhelmed the
child screams and cries,
and is met again with
comfort, warmth.
The physical connection is cut,
and the childs’ mouth
covers the nipple,
her tongue feeling,
drawing life
into his mouth,
the connection returns,
and it all begins.
this was here
***
noise.
never-ending stereo war, brakes slam, grinding metal against metal, horn, bang, jack hammer, buzz of machine, hum of (false) light, sky filled with machines, flying, dumping, killing air.
With this,
technological-industrial civilization,
we are deafened.
Flooding air
can not see,
the radio waves, but
they are everywhere.
Infecting, but
we are blind to this,
lost, hurt,
senseless…
Those unexposed hear
single engine plane
seventy miles away,
see planets
with unaided eye.
Our eyes and ears,
all burdened by
machine, machines,
electro-magnetic wave, radiate,
mediate, deteriorate,
eaten alive.
this is here
***
The first thing
child sees,
fluorescent light, sanitation, bleach white, latex glove, safety goggle, examination, scale, line, box,
synthetic life.
There is no
breast (mother ashamed),
no comfort,
warmth blows through
slots on wall,
mediated first by
latex and profession.
Child is taken,
weighed, measured,
examined,
given Science before
touch, care.
The slab of beef
at the market.
Child is shot
full of (antibody) anti-bodies,
to prepare, condition,
give up hope,
fed formaldehydes and
carcinogens,
preparation.
The milk of mother
is (sacred)
lifeblood,
soul of child.
Sacrificed
to gods of Capital and Science,
given formula,
replacement.
synthetic
Mother fears
sagging breast, talk behind back, manners, word of mouth, word of Science, tied down by child,
neglect, lost.
The (sacred) bind,
broken.
The first experience, moment,
in life
destroyed,
a message of
things to come.
this is here
***
The noise, the ugliness,
the race to maintain it all,
is insanity,
eating us all.
Trying to escape it,
into the periphery, the forests (national, state),
beyond the farms, but
not away from dams,
rivers filled with silt
(the once precious top soil), contamination, pollution, the filth of civilization, poured into the “Wasteland,”
only makes the depravation
more obvious.
Deep in the forest,
the highway
(two miles away),
screeches as loud into
the psyche,
as in the city itself.
There is no sanctuary here.
The solitude of mountains,
-- disrupted –
by the tops being
blown off
to expose the
gentle flesh
underneath,
to gut the earth,
tear its flesh,
to give fuel
to technological nightmare.
The benefits of electricity,
ever-present buzz, hum,
grinding, cost, death and destruction, war, car accidents,
electrocution, stinging pain, cancer, excessive build up of ear wax and disorder, not having to be bound by night (never mind the consequences, never mind millions of years of evolution), freedom to search across the planet for that relationship that you can no longer get from those directly around you, freedom to kill indiscriminately as we think about what it means to be…
human.
take in the word:
silence
seek it out,
what we find, is noise,
everywhere
noise.
There is no sanctuary in
the mind, soul,
anywhere.
just noise
this is here
***
The child has
few options,
limited
by mother and culture of mother,
which says formula
is better than the breast,
gerber foods are best,
(dyes, toxins, mixture)
diapers are best,
(why ruin that carpet?)
doctor appointments
are necessary
(injection, immune: dependency,
the child is,
from uterus to coffin,
chemically dependent.
shots, appointments, medicine:
one great cultural enema).
This culture has taken
(sacred)
act of raising children,
and torn it apart onto
assembly line
of “Life”.
(a specialist for everything,
an explanation for anything)
Everything the child
could need
(from millions of years of evolution)
is available at a range
of cash and mental cost.
The expense of each
toy
is the dream that
could have
been.
The mother is freed
from “burden” of child
by technological-industrial, materialist, spectacularized civilization.
The parent calls
child, brat or spoiled,
when he calls out,
“teaches lessons”
when she is in need,
they don’t
understand
what child wants,
nor do they care,
“tough love”.
The seed of madness,
insanity, outbreak, excessive aggression, destruction,
is here.
The relation of
parent and child is
sacred.
The social being that
we are,
is shaped, and now
denied.
The child has been
pawned off.
it only seeks love,
touch, affection, feeling,
held against the breast of
the mother,
loved,
it gets none of this here.
Love of a child
comes with love of self
and being.
This does not exist here,
it is killed by
civilization,
the great destroyer of dreams.
(domesticating, taming the wild soul, and with it, full relations, and connection)
***
The child is poured
through “tough love”
and tougher lessons,
into the “real”
(cold, empty, sterile, noisy)
world.
The solutions
to their problems
are sold back
at cut-throat prices.
The sickness is
prescribed in mass,
and the cure
follows suit.
Children as young
as
TWO
years of age
are now on Prozac.
(cold, lifeless, domesticating, internal, mental, chemical, empty, soul killing: dependency, addiction: trauma)
The concentrations of
“cures” in water
“supply” alone,
is killing soil
and poisoning water.
Suicide
(unheard of before civilization)
is everywhere.
We are revolted, disgusted, hurt, shocked, enraged, confused, lost, needing, craving, loving and hating,
we are bottled up rage,
on the point of break down,
and we don’t know
where to turn.
Our desires can
not be met here.
The pill is popped,
the exciting new
fall line-up is airing,
internet on, radio blasting, relationships failing, sedated, devouring, obese, anorexic, internal bleeding, stomach hemorrhage, artery block age, cardio-vascular failure, and
noise,
deafening noise.
We pause for commercial break,
time for work, pay day, bills, new machine coming out, new toys,
the void is growing
along side
the debt
(economic and mental).
this is here
***
The culture aims
for perfection,
mixture of quantity
and quality
(quality of life: illusion: delusion).
None of this
Perfection, Progress, Future,
Civilization,
was here before.
In a past life,
during the time
before time,
you, I, we,
may have been.
At my age,
I would have
been able to
exist, live,
as a full being.
I would have
had skills to
forage, hunt, track, follow, move, create, find, seek, love, reach out, grab onto,
to know, to be…
At my age,
now, here,
I can name
more products, corporations, stores, TV shows, movies, instead of
how plants, animals, beings,
see, hear, feel, taste, and smell.
I am torn from
this, my home,
and stuck here,
common (overcrowded) cage of homeless, deprived souls.
The thought of
this,
tears out my
heart.
This is trauma,
this collective wound.
this is here
***
They begin the
civilizing, domesticating process
with chemicals,
and
the culture of chemicals and Science, Reason: civilization.
This carries on
in a way of ‘life’.
Lived out in cities
(huge synthetic areas of overcrowded, distressed, snapping, encaged humans)
under a layer of noise
and filth,
not dirt or soil,
but toxins and smoke and disgust.
The need to
eat is covered by
Nutritional Pyramids, of bleached, domesticated grains leeched of any real value, meat grown as cash crop, frozen for a year before it is eaten, plants dyed and engineered to last, profitably.
we are not offered food here, only chemicals, fuel, efficiency.
It becomes so
encompassing, that
social, sacred value of food,
and diversity
is a new burger at mcdonalds.
(depravation, chemicals, dependency: insanity)
this is here
***
Parent can not
cope with
dreams of child.
The sedation is done,
the socialization is
taking place.
Although this
had begun before,
in womb.
The child knows
what the mother
feels, sees, hears,
senses, the anger
at their unborn self,
resentment, depravation.
The child has
stolen
their chance
to “move on”
unrestrained.
Even the “happy”
married couple
carries this resentment.
The failure to find
Perfection
is anger and sublime.
Their stress, their “Reality”,
fed to child
via umbilical cord.
The child senses all,
burning into mind,
dissatisfaction, anger, fear, loss: trauma.
this is here
***
It all adds up,
like the toxins in our fat,
and forms in the mind.
The lessons of
“tough love”
are all that is
left of knowledge.
The school, the work place,
malls, theaters, parks, gyms, houses, apartments, fairs, all build on this.
Against this,
this backdrop,
the noise, the pressure,
the burden of a world
going to shit,
the child grows
(dreams killed).
The child tries
to maintain themselves
in an insane world,
against rising frustration,
lust for what could have been,
and what is.
Hope for chance
is killed off
at graduation, payday, work, television, grocery store.
Something is missing,
and sometimes s/he
searches.
The pain of that
search
overbears.
Knowing nothing but,
(cold, sterile, empty, lifeless, loveless, soulless, devoured)
a final solution is
sought,
this time:
blade to vein, bullet to brain, rope to neck, gun to lover, hands around neck, car around pole, bottle of pills to stomach,
tie around neck,
hand on wallet,
drug to brain,
careers, work,
dead end.
this is here
***
Sanity is the
way of the complete
true being.
Civilization is the
process of
eroding the human soul,
our soul, our being.
So long as
it exists,
our collective wound will continue.
***
The cry of the
child is
met with love
and joy.
He is given the
breast of her
mother,
connect, care.
There is a need
and there is a
way of raising
without greed, without jealousy, without the destruction and sabotaging of a parent who can not deal with their child leaving, with mutuality, autonomy, and self-determination, with health, with love,
for the sake of being.
we are cheated
of our chance, dreams, and health,
our being,
for the nightmares
of others.
A life that
lives
possibility and dreams,
instead of
hoping
for satisfaction
after life.
This is the
place that
was here,
and the place
that can,
be here again.
That is our reality
to make,
and this is here, now,
you and I.
-Kevin Tucker
|